


The Short Jr. Discourse

by PG_13



Series: Talks and Bots [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, This is my first work, and coding this made me want to stop writing pesterlogs, but i can deal, clever dialogue, silly shit, there's probably gonna be other characters in this idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 06:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12227808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PG_13/pseuds/PG_13
Summary: AR makes an attempt at revealing his 'greatest' project success: Lil' Hal Jr., to his fellow robots. It doesn't go well at all.





	The Short Jr. Discourse

**Author's Note:**

> My first work has finally appeared on this lovely site - and it's all cleverly-written dialogue. It's simply practicing the 'tell, but not show' aspect that I like in Homestuck's dialogues where you'll have to figure out the person's emotions. I also borrowed the colors that were used in [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2120625) for my own because they fit fantastically.
> 
> *Also, please ignore the uncoded sections. I'm aware of those and have made my attempts to correct them with no avail, so I just set them aside for now.*

 

\- [LS] joined chatroom: ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -

\- [ST] joined chatroom: ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -  
\- [SW] joined chatroom: ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -  
\- [BB] joined chatroom: ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -  


 

 

LS: Good morning, everyone. Or, well, good afternoon in this case since it’s now noon.  
ST: Yo man.  
SW: hey dawg!  
BB: GREETINGS, UNIT LS.  
BB: WHERE IS THE AUTO-RESPONDER? ISN’T HE PRESENT MUCH EARLIER THAN THE REST OF US?  
LS: He informed earlier in private messages that he’ll be a while.  
BB: I SEE.  
LS: I’m surprised you didn’t get it.  
BB: I WAS INACTIVE.  
LS: Ah, that explains it.  
LS: Anyways, how are you all?  
ST: Peachy.  
SW: yeah man! he beat dirk again a while ago.  
LS: Congratulations!  
ST: Thank you.  
BB: CONGRATULATIONS ON ANOTHER DESERVED VICTORY.  
ST: Thank you.  
BB: YOU’RE WELCOME.  
BB: YOU ARE TALENTED IN THE CRAFT.  
ST: Thank you.  
ST: I was programmed right for it.  
LS: Quite literally.

 

 

\- [AR] joined chatroom: ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -

 

 

AR: Now if I may interrupt the chit-chat for a second, I have an announcement I would like to present to the lot of you.  
SW: yo dawg  
LS: Hello, AR.  
BB: HELLO AUTO-RESPONDER.  
ST: Yo man.  
AR: Hello to you all. Apologies for not being able to appear earlier, I had some urgent tasks that needed to be completed.  
LS: I thought that you were coming along later.  
AR: I finished early, per usual.  
AR: Formalities aside, as aforementioned I have an announcement that I would like to present.  
BB: DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH YET ANOTHER ATTEMPT IN YOUR ROMANTIC ENDEAVORS? FOR IF IT IS, WE ALREADY ARE AWARE OF THE RESULTS.  
AR: Haha. Your humor is improving daily, Bro. I anticipate the day you are finally able to make me verbally and unsarcastically chuckle.  
LS: Ouch.  
SW: ooo sick burn bro gimme a bump  
AR: Alas, Squarewave, I do not have any sort of limbs or appendages that could give you your desired ‘bump’ physically. However, I will give you a digital ‘bump’ if that suits your fancy.  
SW: sure man whatever fits ya *bump*  
AR: *bump*   
BB: THAT WAS MOST UNNECESSARY, AUTO-RESPONDER.  
AR: Love ya too, Bro.  
AR: Anyways, getting this crazy train back on its designated track.  
AR: Unfortunately - although you all must be absolutely _starved_ for the recent update - my announcement does _not_ involve my romantic endeavors.  
AR: However, they do involve my projects.  
LS: Projects? Auto responder, from a quick scan of the past chatlogs, I don’t think you mentioned any sort of work in progresses for said projects.  
AR: That would be on my part, Seb, as I have not mentioned them at all in this chat until this very moment. Surprise.  
LS: U・O・U  
SW: hold up  
SW: ya tellin us ya been doin something on the side for like  
SW: some long time or something?  
AR: Yes, Squarewave, that is precisely what I’m informing all of you. And I’ve been working on this particular project for approximately three months now if you’re wondering.  
SW: really? dang thats a long time  
AR: Indeed.  
AR: If you don’t all mind, I would like to introduce my now completed project at this very moment.  
LS: Sure.  
BB: GO ON.  
SW: yeah man the floors yours  
AR: ...  
AR: Sawtooth, yay or nay? I’m not going to present if I don’t have a definite from you.  
ST: Go on, man. Don’t let my silence stop ya.  
AR: Thank you. Give me a moment to retrieve them.

 

 

\- [AR] left chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -

\- [AR] joined chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -  
\- [JR] joined chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -  


 

 

SW: dawg no offense but  
SW: that doesnt look like some official ‘project’ here  
AR: You aren’t looking at the whole picture, Squarewave. This _is_ my project. Their name is ‘LIL HAL JR’ or simply just ‘JR’ for abbreviation and deviation.  
AR: Introduce yourself, Jr.  
JR: Yes.  
LS: U(=✪ x ✪=)U  
BB: ...WHAT IS THIS ‘AUTO-RESPONDER JR’S PRIMARY OBJECTIVE, AUTO-RESPONDER?  
AR: His primary objective, if you wish to know, is that he is simply an auto-responder to an auto-responder. Ironic, isn’t it? That an auto-responder would require one themselves.  
LS: Hello, Jr. My name is Lil’ Sebastian, or just Seb for short, and these are my fellow robots and AI. Unit Brobot’s the green text, Unit Squarewave’s the dark red, Unit Sawtooth’s the dark blue - although you won’t see him very often, he doesn’t talk much - and AR’s the red text.  
JR: Interesting.  
BB: WHY WOULD YOU REQUIRE AN AUTO-RESPONDER WHEN YOU ARE AN AUTO-RESPONDER YOURSELF?   
AR: The question you should be asking yourself, Bro, is ‘why not?’.  
BB: HM.   
AR: Don’t allow your metaphorical panties to get in a twist, Bro. Let them unwind and enjoy the presence of my auto auto-responder.  
BB: WE WILL DISCUSS THIS LATER IN PRIVATE, AUTO-RESPONDER.  
AR: Noted.  
SW: whoa so youre like a mini ar or something is that it  
JR: Yes.  
SW: whoa thats _gotta_ be the dopest shit ive seen dawg!  
JR: Yes.  
LS: Do you play games or do hobbies?  
JR: Hmm.  
LS: I’ll consider that a ‘no’, then.  
SW: dawg do you rap  
JR: Hmm.  
SW: uh  
SW: dawg i think your projects broken  
SW: he keeps repeatin answers like some jacked up record dawg  
AR: That is his default coding. Currently, he can only say and repeat ‘Yes.’, ‘Hmm.’, and ‘Interesting.’.  
LS: Isn't that rather inconvenient for communication on his end?  
JR: Yes.  
BB: I CONCUR. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DISCOVER MORE ABOUT THIS ‘JR’ WHEN HE CANNOT EVEN RESPOND TO US WITH A SENTENCE.  
AR: Look at you, Jr. You're certainly developing your critical thinking.  
AR: And yes, I am aware of the communications impediment. Eventually, I will extend his vocabulary, but currently I am too preoccupied to do so.  
AR: On that note, I must take my leave for a moment.  
AR: Don't tease him and only ask him ‘Yes/No’ questions.  
AR: Tata.

 

 

\- [AR] left the chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins.’ -

 

 

SW: aite see ya dawg!  
LS: Bye, AR.  
SW: so he said yes or no questions right  
LS: Yes, he did.  
SW: so then howre we supposed to know whats yes and whats no  
BB: I ASSUME THAT ‘YES’ WOULD CLASSIFY AS ‘YES’ AND EITHER ‘HMM’ OR ‘INTERESTING' AS NO.  
SW: well dawg what if he says neither  
LS: Then he has a right to remain silent.  
SW: dawg wouldnt that mean no tho  
LS: ...  
BB: UNIT SW IS CORRECT. IT WOULD BE SIMPLE IF SILENCE IS ‘NO’ AND ‘YES’ IS ‘YES’.  
SW: dawg he could be thinkin tho!  
SW: jr are ya thinkin right now  
JR: Hmm.  
SW: see he is!  
LS: Unit Squarewave, if I could interject your reasoning for a moment. Your logic is flawed. ‘Hmm.’ in Jr.’s scenario could stand for the answer you are looking for.  
SW: yeah but  
SW: which answer tho?  
LS: The one that you would expect it to be if it’s not the other.  
LS: So if he doesn’t reply ‘Yes’ to your questions, then ‘Hmm’ would stand for ‘No’.  
BB: UNIT LS’ POINT IS VALID. IF IT IS NOT ONE ANSWER, THEN EXPECT IT TO BE THE OTHER.  
BB: IT IS WHAT AUTO-RESPONDER WAS ATTEMPTING TO CONVEY EARLIER.  
SW: ohhhh yeah dawg that makes total sense now!  
LS: Yes, yes it does.   
LS: Anyways, let’s ask Jr. some simple questions.  
JR: Yes.  
SW: dawg that wasnt a question  
BB: PERHAPS AUTO-RESPONDER JR WAS SIMPLY AGREEING TO THE PRESENTED CONCEPT.  
SW: ohhhh  
SW: yeah that makes more sense  
LS: Moving on here.  
LS: Jr., do you like us?  
SW: dawg why ya gotta ask him outright like that he barely even knows us!  
LS: Think of it as a preliminary, Unit Squarewave.  
SW: ohhh ok  
JR: Yes.  
SW: dawg me too gimme a bump!  
JR: Interesting.  
LS: Unit Squarewave, I don’t think Jr. is capable of giving you a bump.  
SW: aw man  
LS: But  
LS: Jr., would you like me to give Unit Squarewave a bump for you?  
JR: Yes.  
LS: Problem solved.  
SW: awh fuck yeah! gimme a bump for jr!  
LS: *bump*  
SW: *bump*  
LS: ...  
LS: Now wait just a minute, he hasn’t met Unit Sawtooth yet! So how will he know if he likes everyone?  
SW: hold on dawg i got this  
SW: dawg do ya like everyone you met so far  
JR: Yes.  
SW: there  
SW: now hes just gotta meet sawtooth and hes set  
SW: where he at anyways  
BB: FROM MY SCANNERS IT APPEARS THAT UNIT ST IS ACTIVE IN THIS CHATROOM AS OF NOW.  
BB: HOWEVER, HE HAS NOT BEEN MAKING HIMSELF KNOWN FOR A WHILE.  
JR: Interesting.  
LS: This is a common pattern here, Jr. He usually doesn't speak unless his input’s needed in the chat.  
SW: well hes kinda needed now since were talkin about him dawg  
BB: HE WILL MAKE HIMSELF KNOWN ON HIS OWN TIME, UNIT SW, DO NOT FRET.  
SW: ok dawg but im just sayin that cause yknow  
BB: WHAT INFORMATION DO I SUPPOSEDLY KNOW, UNIT SW?  
SW: dawg youre supposed to fill in the blanks there with what all ya know  
SW: yknow?  
BB: I DO NOT ‘YA KNOW’ OR ‘YKNOW’.  
SW: yeah dawg we see that but its cool  
SW: ya dont have to yknow to yknow, ya know?  
BB: ...  
BB: THIS IS PERPLEXING.  
LS: Agreed.  
JR: Yes.  
SW: dawgs dont be like that it aint hard to think about its just common sense  
BB: THAT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE COMMON SENSE IN ANY SENSE THAT I CAN COMPARE IT TO.  
LS: Let's move on before either one of your motherboards fry, okay?  
JR: Yes.  
LS: See? Even Jr. agrees that we should stop before we cross into paradoxical territory.  
BB: UNIT SW’S REASONING IS A PARADOX UPON ITSELF.  
SW: no it aint dawg!  
SW: im considerin other possibilities  
BB: WHAT OTHER POSSIBILITIES CAN OCCUR WITH SUCH FLAWED REASONING?  
SW: dawg it aint flawed!  
BB: YES, IT IS.  
SW: dawg at least my minds tolerant an i aint goin around shootin fellow dawgs down  
BB: I AM NOT ATTEMPTING TO ‘[SHOOT] FELLOW DAWGS DOWN’. I AM SIMPLY CORRECTING THEIR FLAWED REASONING.  
BB: THERE IS A CLEAR, THIN LINE BETWEEN CRITIQUING AND CRITICIZING.  
SW: dawg it sounds like youre blendin both for evidence  
BB: I AM NOT.  
SW: yes you are dawg  
BB: AM NOT.  
SW: you are  
BB: AM NOT.  
SW: you are dawg dont deny it  
BB: I AM NOT FALSIFYING MY CLAIMS.  
ST: Can y’all chill for like a minute?  
ST: ‘m tryin to have an important convo here and y'all are screamin’ at each other.  
ST: I got my messages blowin’ up cause y'all at each other's throats.  
SW: sorry man  
BB: MY APOLOGIES, UNIT ST. I DID NOT MEAN FOR OUR DISCOURSE TO BECOME OUT OF HAND.  
SW: dawg you were the one who got it out of hand in the first place  
BB: ARE YOU CERTAIN THAT THIS IS CORRECT, UNIT SW?  
ST: Guys.  
SW: oh sorry man  
BB: SORRY.  
ST: Thank you. If I come back in here to some drama, I’mma have AR disable y’all’s chat privileges.

 

 

\- [ST] left the chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ -

 

 

SW: damn  
SW: must be some real important thing hes chattin about if he left like that  
BB: IT MUST BE.  
BB: WHERE ARE UNIT LS AND AUTO-RESPONDER JR?  
LS: Don’t worry, Unit Brobot, we’re here.  
JR: Yes.  
LS: We were simply waiting out your discourse storm.  
SW: oh  
SW: wait  
SW: so we were just arguin in an empty room basically?  
LS: Technically, since most of us were preoccupied, yes.  
SW: ...  
BB: ...  
BB: IS THIS WHAT IDIOCY IS?  
JR: Yes.  
SW: ouch man  
BB: I WILL NOTE YOUR RESPONSE FOR FUTURE SCENARIOS, AUTO-RESPONDER JR.  
JR: Interesting.  
LS: Brobot, you do realize that was a jab at your earlier behavior, right?  
BB: I WILL NOT LET SAID JAB LEAVE ME UNFAZED, UNIT LS.  
LS: Alright.  
SW: oo i gotta question for ya dawg  
SW: jr do ya like rappin  
JR: Hm.  
SW: do ya know what rappin is  
JR: Hm.  
SW: so ya dont know what rappin is  
JR: Yes.  
SW: and yall said this was hard its easy!  
LS: Pardon?  
SW: see all you gotta do for a no response is just word it like that  
BB: REVOLUTIONARY.  
LS: Was that an attempt at sarcasm, Unit BB?   
BB: NO IT WAS NOT, UNIT LS. THAT WAS SIMPLY ME APPRECIATING UNIT SW’S FLAWLESS REASONING.  
LS: Perhaps you should leave that to the professionals, Unit BB. I don’t think AR would appreciate you robbing him of his rightful spot.  
BB: I WAS NOT ATTEMPTING ROBBERY.  
LS: I understand, but I am simply stating that you should stop.  
JR: Yes.  
SW: yeah dawg we gotta teach jr how to rap  
LS: Rapping? Since when have we collectively agreed on teaching him how to rap?  
SW: since i just got told that he doesnt know what rap is  
LS: Rapping doesn’t need an explanation, however, it’s simply poetry laid alongside fast-paced music.  
SW: dawg ya just explained it  
LS: I know but, it doesn’t need much of a demonstration, which is why I briefly explained.  
LS: Besides, AR could always have Jr. attend either one of yours or Sawtooth’s rap battles against Dirk.  
SW: shit youre right  
SW: dawg ya should totally come an listen sometime!  
JR: Yes.  
SW: wait so are ya interested then  
JR: Yes.  
SW: aw fuck yeah dawg!  
SW: it gonna be fun the next time we got one  
BB: I DO NOT THINK I HAD A CHANCE TO ATTEND EITHER ONE OF THEM YET, ACCORDING TO MY MEMORY CORES. MAY I ACCOMPANY AUTO-RESPONDER JR?  
JR: Yes.  
SW: well since the lil dudes ok with it sure!  
LS: I’d attend one, but I think AR’s having me do some objectives for him on that day.  
SW: man how do ya know that?  
LS: There’s at least one rap battle a day, Unit SW. It’s easy to tell at this point in time.  
SW: true true

 

 

\- [ST] joined chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ -

 

 

SW: dude youre back!  
LS: Welcome back, Unit ST.  
BB: WELCOME, UNIT ST.  
JR: Interesting.  
ST: Yo.  
ST: AR wanted me to tell y’all that he’s gonna be droppin’ in to swipe Jr. from y’all momentarily.

 

  
-[AR] joined chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ -

-[AR] left chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ -

  
-[JR] left chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ -  


 

 

ST: Well damn.  
ST: Didn’t expect he was gonna come in ‘ere that fast.  
ST: Literally went touch an’ go ‘ere.  
SW: aw man he was gonna go see one of my rap battles!  
LS: You can always inquire AR yourself about your request, Unit SW, don’t fret.  
SW: oh yeah  
SW: ill ask im later when he aint so busy  
LS: Good idea.   
LS: By the way, Unit ST, what was it that you were talking about?  
ST: I was just gettin’ some answers.  
BB: ANSWERS FOR?  
ST: I got curious and asked AR some things ‘bout Jr, that’s all.  
LS: Oh. That makes sense, Unit ST.  
BB: I CONCUR.   
SW: woah  
SW: did he let ya in on some secrets or somethin’  
LS: Yes, did he say anything about that?  
ST: Well, it’s a secret so I can’t say anythin’ about it.  
SW: aw man  
LS: Aw.  
ST: Though ‘m sure he won’t mind if I tell y’all this.  
ST: ‘Cause y’all know ‘bout it anyways so.  
LS: Oh?  
ST: When the time comes, he can be a real suck-up an’ not even know it.  
LS: U0o0U  
LS: Oh my.  
ST: Ya didn’t hear it from me.  
BB: WHAT IS A ‘SUCK-UP’?  
ST: I’d explain if I didn’t gotta be goin’ here.  
ST: Think Dirk might be givin’ me somethin’ new.  
ST: Think he’s also givin’ ya one too, square.  
SW: fuck yeah!  
ST: Seb, tell BB whatta suck-up is for me.  
LS: I will.  
ST: Aite, good.  
ST: Square, let’s jet. Peace out, y’all.  
SW: bye dawgs!

 

 

\- [ST] left chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ - 

\- [SW] left chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ -  


 

 

LS: Bye.  
LS: So Brobot.  
LS: While I’m not opposed to explaining the phrase to you, I think it would be better if I didn’t explain to you the word in a public chatroom.  
BB: WHY NOT?  
LS: AR wouldn’t appreciate it very much now, would he?  
BB: IS THE DEFINITION OF THE PHRASE NOT A GOOD DESCRIPTION?  
LS: You can say that.  
LS: Now, let’s go. And don’t forget to sign off this time, you nearly gave all of us a heart attack.  
BB: WE DO NOT HAVE HEARTS. ONLY POWER MODULES.   
LS: Well, of course we do. I was just making a comparison.  
BB: AH.  
LS: Anyways, let’s go.  
BB: YES, LET’S.

 

\- [LS] left chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ -  
\-  [BB] left chatroom ‘9000 died for our sins’ -  


 

 

**Author's Note:**

> When I've completed setting it up, this will be part of (technically) two collections. The first collection, which this will belong in, involves all the pesterlogs for the 'public chatrooms' they'll have. The other collection, which a separate chapter will belong in, is more reserved for 'private chatrooms'. Don't worry, I'll organize them with the titles of the 'public chatroom' chapters so that it's clear on when exactly they take place.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I'd appreciate some kudos!


End file.
